Fake It ‘Til You….Make It?: Dudes Faking The Big-O

Men pretending to climax? According to a recent study, it actually happens far more often than we might think.

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We’ve all been there, ladies. Approaching the two-hour mark of a sweaty sex session: thighs shaking, muscles cramping, matted hair sticking to your face. So utterly exhausted that the only option is to fake an orgasm and end the marathon before your body just…stops. We’ve all done it, as much as we hate to admit it.

The 2012 AskMen and AskWomen surveys, conducted by the men’s lifestyle website AskMen.com and women’s lifestyle site TresSugar respectively, revealed how many men are pretending to climax. In the survey, which polled 49,000 men and 1,000 women, according to a rep for AskMen.com, 54 percent of female respondents reported faking an orgasm, and 34 percent of men reported faking an orgasm at least once.

So, I’m sitting here scratching my head and wondering…How?…Why? There are so many unanswered questions! 

Abraham Morgentaler, an associate clinical professor of urology at Harvard Medical School and author of the new book “Why Men Fake It: The Totally Unexpected Truth About Men And Sex,” questions this idea that only women are complex sexual creatures, and believes there is much more to learn about male sexuality.

 “We accept complexity for women but we simplify the story for men. It’s as if people think we know everything there is to know about men, and it’s false,” said Morgentaler.

One of the male sexual issues that surprised Morgentaler most early in his career, he wrote in his book, was the habit of men faking orgasms. As he told Salon.com, the reasons also surprised him: Most men who fake it do so because they want their partners to feel good about the encounter.

“In their minds, it’s actually a form of kindness,” he said. “They’re kind of letting the other person know that they’ve done a good job.”

Ok, that’s fair, and even kind of thoughtful. But here’s the real kicker, Morgentaler attributes the increase in men faking orgasms with changing gender roles.

 As women excel professionally and financially, he told Tracy Clark-Flory of Salon.com, it becomes more important to men to be the “provider” in bed, but men simultaneously become paralyzed by the pressure they feel to be amazing lovers. Morgentaler’s observation seems to echo the predictions journalist Liza Mundy in her book “The Richer Sex,” in which she argued that, as women become the breadwinners in more relationships, the responsibility for being sexually appealing shifts from women to men.

 “A guy’s sense of his masculinity, especially in the sexual realm, is not about what he experienced himself; he gets his sense of masculinity through the eyes of his partner,” said Morgentaler, adding, “The idea that a man might be rejected because he can’t be an adequate provider sexually turns everything upside down. It wasn’t that long ago, the ’50s or so, that we saw this term about women doing their ‘wifely duty.’ It was assumed that women didn’t enjoy sex and that part of the marriage relationship was that the woman had to submit to it for the benefit of the relationship.”

 Though Morgentaler makes some very interesting points about the rapidly changing ideas of masculinity, gender roles and sex, I’m still not sure how a man can actually fake an orgasm, because, well, doesn’t there need to be evidence?

 “Would it be terrible of me if I left that as a tease for your reader to actually get into the book? It feels like giving away the ending of a whodunnit,” Morgentaler told Salon.com.

Damnit, Morgentaler!

 

[Source – Salon]

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