To Pube or Not to Pube: The Debate

Today, the great pube debate rages on with strong arguments from both sides of the opposition.

CondomDepot-Learn-HI-pubes

To pube or not to pube– that is the question, and we want your vote!

Curly Foes or Fluffy Friends?

The controversy over pubes interests both pube enthusiasts and pube prohibitionists alike. Pro-Pube supporters rally together to promote the health benefits of the all mighty matching of carpet and drapes. “We will not mow this lawn, nor strip this land of integrity by creating landing strips on our US citizens. In seventies bush, we unite!”

Anti-Pube personalities are pushing for the abolishment of all remaining fluffy fronts across this great land, stating that, “These curly foes must be silenced. We will not tolerate their coarse and dark presence, which threaten the very aesthetics of this prosperous nation.”

Had ‘Nuff of the Muff?

Adamantly supportive stances on shaved pubes from the public may push skin-to-skin for the win. A sea of people with placards stating, “Boo For Bush,” “Yes Lubes! No Pubes!” “Bikini Lines Are Just Fine” “Don’t Be Mean, Wax it Clean” and “Stay Away Pubes of Grey” were spotted rallied around the Schick building today, in an effort to gain sponsorship from the razor lobbyists for proposition for the bill called Hairless Rat 193. These Anti-Pube activists urge you to vote “Yes” on 193 next week.

shaved-pubes

One stroller-pushing participant who was wearing a Coochy Shave Cream t-shirt and handing out disposable razors stated, “How can we enjoy life when the constant fear of finding a stray pube on the toilet seat, on the bathroom floor, or even in the shower? That’s not the kind of world I want to live in, or for my children and children’s children to live in.”

Anti-Pube Platform:

  • Easy Clean Up
  • Daisy Duke Friendly
  • Visual STD Inspection
  • Oral Without Pubes In Throat
  • Crabs Belong in the Ocean
  • Erection Ring Comfort
  • Illusion of a Larger Penis Size

The Pouf is in the Panties

In regards to this hotbed issue, the Pro-Pube party had an equally strong presence at today’s rally at their chosen location at the local Motel 6. Pro-Pube supporters claim this is their favorite vacation destination, because as one said, “Finding stray pubes strewn across the room makes us feel as though our message is getting across to the general public.” Pubic hair advocates boasted aggressive picket signs slogans such as, “Waxing Looks pre-PUBEscent,” “Natural and Beautiful,” “Brazilian is a Painforest,” “Humps Not Bumps” and “Grow Your Pubes, Grow Your Mind.”

pubes

Other attention seeking antics including a confetti and pubic hair shower and a pubic hair parade. Atop the oddly soft brown float sat the newly crowned Mr. and Ms. Pubic Hair. They won this distinction at the Pubic Hair Spring Fair in April in which all proceeds went to Pubic Wig International, a company who provides pubic wigs for those who are unjustly suffering from a lack of pubes.

A particularly catchy and repetitive Pro-Pube chant rose up from above the chatter, “Razor burn, you will adjourn! Razor burn, you will adjourn!” Meanwhile, a man with a full beard dispensed toothbrushes with single, lone pubic hairs in their bristles to all passer-bys in an effort to win their votes all while shouting, “Think outside the cube– give respect to the triangle of pubes!” These Pro-Pube people have taken to the streets to preserve the integrity of this nation’s pubes and they strongly urge you to vote “No” on 193 next week.

Pro-Pube Platform:

  • Nature’s Way
  • Retro Styling
  • Protective Barrier Against Skin-to-Skin STDs
  • Pheromones and Musk
  • Let Adults Be Adults
  • Ploy to Sell Hair Removal Products
  • Ingrown Hairs are Gross

Cast Your Vote

vote

Anti-Pube activists urge you to vote “Yes” and Pro-Pube supporters advise you to vote “No” on pubic proposition 193. Cast your vote for proposition Hairless Rat 193 with us today on Facebook, Twitter or Tumblr and we’ll see which side of the great pubic debate holds the majority seat. Which side of the pubic fence are you on?

About Condom Depot

The Condom Depot Learning Center provides free safer sex ed and has recently been resourced by Men's Health, Go Ask Alice, Her Campus, LifeHacker, Scarleteen, Bustle, Madame Noire, Jezebel, Vice, Stallion Style, aPlus, Sex Talk Tuesday and Adult Sex Ed Month.

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: