Ten Alternative Uses For Condoms

Believe it or not, we get calls from folks all the time looking to buy condoms for all kinds of reasons besides having safer sex. Here are some of our favorites.

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10. Research

We get calls all the time about people looking to purchase some condoms for their graduate studies. Most often, they’re looking for some type of extra-strong balloon to hold some weight. Our friend Micah proved that a condom can’t actually hold three bags of potatoes, but that doesn’t mean they still can’t hold a significant amount of weight. We’ve found that most of the time, these intrepid researchers are looking for something strong and non-lubricated, so we always recommend Lifestyles Non-Lubricated to great results.

9. Keeping things dry

Our other big seller for non-lubricated condoms? It isn’t people who like to pair their own favorite lube, like Liquid Silk, with their condoms. Oh no– it’s bands. As in rock-and-roll bands. Folks discovered years ago that the best way to keep their microphone packs clean and dry of sweat, spilled beer, and all other assorted bodily fluids during a rip-roaring show was to bundle them up in latex.

And they aren’t the only ones. We also get purchases from soldiers and hunters looking for something to protect the muzzles of their guns from water during long treks or rainstorms. If you’re looking to do the same, be fancy and colorful. Check out Trustex Assorted Colors Non-Lubricated.

8. Survival packs

Hey zombie fans! Now you don’t need the excuse of getting lots of post-apocalyptic nookie to stock up on those Skinless Skins! Condoms can come in handy in all sorts of ways when you’re lost in the wilderness, on a hunting trip, or getting into some serious Hunger Games business.

The best use for condoms in this situation? As a canteen. Condoms can carry an alarming amount of fresh water. Simply tie them off with a stick and place them in a sock or other safe apparatus to keep out any pricks and prevent leakage.

7. Art

We’ve covered this plenty of times before, but the truth is, not only is condom art a great way to make a statement about safe sex, they’re also a great way to make waterproof art. Cabbage and Condoms, a safe sex-themed restaurant in Thailand is well-known for their displays of condom art. What can you come up with when you have a twelve pack of Fun Bumps?

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6. Fishing

Are you and your love out at the lake for a friendly screw and decide to do some post-coital fishing? It’s too bad you forgot your bobber! But wait! Those Caution Wear Grandes will do nicely! Tie an inflated condom to your line and it will be able to float out just as far as a traditional bobber. Just make sure to throw it away when you’re done; condoms are not biodegradable.

5. First Aid

We have survival packs and we have fishing, but what else outdoorsy thing can condoms be seriously used for? I mean, other than getting wood in the woods, of course. First aid is an important aspect of outdoor survival, but such skills and tools are a boon anywhere. Throwing a Trustex Non-Lubricated into your first aid kit will ensure that you not only have an extra rubber glove in a pinch, but they can also be used as a tourniquet, or even a crude band-aid on one of those difficult-to-band-aid spots.

4. Slingshot

Before you doubt me, watch this video from survival expert, Creek Stewart:

3. Balloons

I remember my first concert at the age of fourteen. It was a crappy little punk show, and even though I was decked out in ripped jeans and collars, I was still beyond mortified when I realized that those balloons people were passing around in the mosh pit weren’t actually balloons– they were condoms!

If you want to have the slipperiest water balloon fight of your life, why not use some Caution Wear Classics? These condoms are super strong, and extra-lubed up, so make sure you film the hilarity and send it our way. You know. For science.

2. Lubricating machines

Rumor has it that a surplus of condoms in India has lead to inventive souls using them for all sorts of non-sexy activities. The most inventive one we could find was that seamstresses in many large factories were using the extra lube on these condoms to slowly lube up their sewing machines. The silky, soft lube on these Durex Enhanced Pleasures will make any machine feel brand spankin’ new.

1. Smuggling

Everyone’s heard the legends of the cocaine-filled butt condoms. But they are actually a thing. Every year, people get caught smuggling things of all assortments in condoms… up their butts. Earlier this year, a woman was even caught trying to smuggle pee into a drug test in a condom strapped to her leg. How inventive!

We here at Condom Depot don’t recommend this, but we do recommend these five condoms for anal sex. They’ll last long, feel great, and you won’t get arrested for having one up your butt (so long as it’s attached to a penis or toy).

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What are your favorite non-sexy uses for condoms? Drop us a line on our Tumblr and we’ll publish our favorites!

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