Using Bathroom Items For Masturbation: Good Ideas, Bad Ideas

We get it. You’re in the shower, soaping up all your various bits. And then you pay a little extra attention to various bits. And then a little… extra-extra attention. You know what I mean. But no lube or toys on hand, what do you use to get your yank on safely? And what should you really, REALLY avoid?

Good Idea: Lotion

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The first lube of so many young preteen and teenage boys. Chances are, if you can put the lotion on the sensitive skin on the inside of your wrist, it won’t bother a penis. Vaginas, of course are a completely different story. We don’t really recommend using lotion on a vagina due to the fragile ecosystem of bacteria they have.

But for you folks with penises, here are some tips. Look for natural, unscented lotions. Most have some type of alcohol in them, or parabens, or other unsavory ingredients, so you’ll really want to avoid those too. I use coconut oil as a moisturizer and I also use it as a lube because it has no other ingredients in it.

The other downside to lotion is that it dries more quickly than a lubricant would. You see, lotions are formulated to be absorbed, but lubes (good lubes, anyway, like WET Naturals Silky Supreme) are formulated to NOT be absorbed, thereby having longer staying power.

And the biggest pro for using lotion? You’ll have the softest penile skin this side of the Mississippi.

If you can’t find a lotion that’ll suit your needs, check out Swiss Navy’s Masturbation Cream.

Bad Idea: Shampoo/Conditioner/Soap

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When I asked my male partner for things you shouldn’t use to masturbate with, the first thing to came out of his mouth was, “Soap!” While soap feels great at first, because it’s super slick and doesn’t absorb right away, the problem comes from the actual purpose of said soap: cleaning.

These cleaning chemicals are generally body-safe, but getting them up your urethra can cause great discomfort. It can also dry out the skin when rubbed too vigorously. That’s why you’re supposed to moisturize after you get out of the shower.

And let’s not even talk about putting them in a vagina– we already know how unhealthy douching is. Soap can clear out the natural bacteria in a vagina, which is essential for a healthy hoohah. Keep it away!

Good Idea: Baby Oil

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Like coconut oil, baby oil is pretty unobtrusive to the body. It’s slick, it will last long, and it will make you smell like a nice, clean baby.

The one thing you’ll need to worry about? Like coconut oil, again, baby oil is corrosive to latex and polyisoprene condoms, like the Lifestyles SKYN. So while it’s safe to use to beat your meat, keep it away when you meet ‘tween the sheets.

Bad Idea: Shaving Cream

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Shaving cream can sometimes be an irritant to more sensitive parts of the body. While using it to shave down there is usually alright, the repeated friction caused by using it to jerk off can make that irritation, well, much more irritating. Stay away!

Good Idea: Removable Showerhead

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Who doesn’t love a removable showerhead? Not only will it help you get into all those crooks and crannies, but it’ll feel great in said crooks and crannies. Most are adjustable.

And the best thing is they aren’t just for people with vaginas. These can be used for anal stimulation, and even for a nice penis massage. Showerheads for everyone!

Just be careful to avoid giving yourself an enema with one. It can cause diarrhea at best or a ruptured bowel at worst. If you need an enema, give yourself one with an approved enema kit.

Bad Idea: Vibrating Razor/Toothbrush

I’ve had friends that have told me they’ve used vibrating razors as a vibrator before. Now, anything dealing with razors near vaginas that doesn’t involve shaving makes me a little uncomfortable.

But our hardline here at Condom Depot is that things that we’re made specifically for going into a vagina or anus shouldn’t really be going up in there. You don’t know what material the product is made from, you don’t know if the shape of the product is going to hurt you, and worst of all, you don’t know if you’re going to be able to get the product out.

Especially the butt.

The vaginal canal is reasonably shallow, usually only around 4-6 inches. The anus on the other hand, goes on for much longer and it can be very easy to get things stuck up there. That’s how we get so many amusing x-rays, like this:

via Huffington Post

This is why anal toys have a flared shape. Our friends over at Spicy Gear explain it a little better than we could in their article, Anal Toys: An Introduction.

Keep anything not made to penetrate out of your vagina and/or anus and you’ll stay in tip-top shape– and avoid any embarrassing ER visits.

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