Take This Toy and Shove It up Your…

Do you know what’s topping our wish list this holiday season? Buttplugs! But wait– we want to be safe before putting this under our Christmas tree. Here are the three qualities we look for in all of our butt-based toys:

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Need specific product recommendations for your next anal toy purchase? Read our new Best Butt Plugs and Beads ‘n Balls ‘n Ben Wa, Oh My! buying guides!

1. Non-Porous

The bum is full of bacteria. Even if you wash yourself thoroughly, there’s still a chance you’re going to encounter bacteria. For this reason, we suggest staying away from porous toy materials.

Porous Materials:

  • Sil-a-Gel
  • Skin-like materials
  • PVC
  • Jelly

Non-Porous Materials:

  • TPR
  • Latex
  • Elastomere
  • Pyrex/Glass
  • Steel
  • Silicone
  • ABS Plastic

Read more on how to tell what your toy is made of.

If you do have a porous toy, covering it with a condom can keep bacteria out, and our ‘Best Sex Toy Cleaners‘ can also be used to reduce hazardous bacteria before you store your toy away for next time. As with using a condom on a penis, make sure that condom fits the length and girth of the toy and that it has plenty of lube on it.

2. Lube Compatibility

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It seems like we’re recommending silicone-based lube left and right for anal stuff. There’s a reason for that that we’ve gone over time and again. Basically, the anus has no natural lubrication, but it likes to absorb water, so silicone-based lubes, like Pjur BackDoor Relaxing Anal Glide, are perfect for what-what-in-the-butt.

But silicone-based lube can corrode some toys, especially those toys that aren’t made of silicone-mixed with other materials. If your toy isn’t 100% silicone, is made of a jelly, or skin-like product, it’s best to avoid silicone-based lubes like Pjur Analyse Me. If you’re uncertain, try doing a patch test by placing a small amount of lube on the handle and seeing if it melts.

A water-based lube might absorb quickly in the anus, but it’s better than nothing. We’ve also recommended Aloe-based lubes, like Blossoms Organics, for butt stuff in the past. Read my 4-star review of this lube here. They’re more soothing than your average water-based lube and they won’t absorb as quickly.

Oil, including coconut oil, is another possibility. Just remember not to use it on latex toys. Here are our best latex-free toys!

Not sure what kind of lube you have? Learn more about different lube ingredients here.

3. Flared Shape

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Someone once compared the vagina to a cul-de-sac and the anus to a highway. The vaginal canal has a depth of between four and six inches, whereas the butthole is a little more complicated. The rectum is only about seven inches, but if a toy is soft enough, it can contort and pass into the large intestine, which is much longer.

This is the reason that so many butt-centric toys have flared bases. It’s also the reason that we don’t really recommend anything without a flared base, or an O-ring to hold on to, to go up the butt.

If you find that to be such an impossible thought, merely do a Google search for, “Stuck in butt.” People are getting crap stuck up there left and right, resulting in very embarrassing trips to the ER because of it. And that’s how an X-Ray of your colon ends up in a Buzzfeed article.

And no one wants that.

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