Q: Is fingering a loss of virginity?

Q: Does fingering a vagina disvirgin a girl?

ask-condom-depotA: Great question, reader!

Certain types of manual sex, like fingering, involve penetration. Some people consider any penetrative act of performed on themselves or another person to be a loss of virginity.

However, other people think virginity is lost only when a penis enters a vagina. Yet, others consider oral sex to be a loss of virginity. Some folks only consider anal sex to be devirginizing. And others believe that only consensual sex counts towards losing your virginity.

You see, what being a virgin means really depends on who you ask.

Like beauty, virginity truly is in the eye of the beholder. Basically, whether or not someone is a virgin is up to the individual, what their sexual orientation is, and what they believe real sex to be which is determined by many deeply personal factors (culture, religion, society, etc.).

There is a popular myth about a female virgin’s hymen (the membrane inside the vaginal canal), which is now called the corona, having to break during the first PIV (penis-in-vagina) sex act in order for virginity to be officially lost.

If no such membrane is present, the female is thought to have already had vaginal sex. This is a misconception, as sometimes it requires surgery to be removed. Additionally, many everyday activities can cause the corona to break, such as intense exercise. And, some women are born without them, or their corona only covers a portion of the canal, or it breaks and never bleeds or causes pain.

Truly though, regardless of the presence of a membrane or not, virginity is more of a spiritual concept than a physical act. It can be whatever you want it to be. Furthermore, many women can achieve an orgasm through clitoral and vulval rubbing (does not involve vaginal penetration).

The important thing is to make sure you’re both on the same page about your limits and belief-based boundaries before proceeding forth with the finger-banging or manual clitoral stimulation. Yes, the main point is to ask your partner, listen to their wishes and take their consent (or lack thereof) and beliefs very seriously.

learnlogotransparent-550x110If they thinks manual sex is a loss of virginity, respect that. If they don’t, then respect that. Most people think you’re only a virgin once, so be kind and always keep that in mind.

And, since it is entirely possible to spread or contract STDs/STIs through manual sex, please practice safety and caution as you would with any foreign object being inserted inside the body.

Here are some helpful links from The Condom Depot Learning Center:

Best of luck, stay safe, communicate openly and have fun!

About Condom Depot

The Condom Depot Learning Center provides free safer sex ed and has recently been resourced by Men's Health, Go Ask Alice, Her Campus, LifeHacker, Scarleteen, Bustle, Madame Noire, Jezebel, Vice, Stallion Style, aPlus, Sex Talk Tuesday and Adult Sex Ed Month.

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